What if I lose control?
It can feel like it. That feeling is common, and it passes. Think of it as two things: capacity and trigger. A trigger is whatever surfaces, a memory, a feeling, a fear. Capacity is your ability to be with it. We cannot control what surfaces. We can build your capacity before you arrive, and we can be next to you when it does.
Your experience is yours. We are not trying to steer it. We are there so you do not have to be alone in it.
What do facilitators do?
There is at least one facilitator for every four participants, and our nurse practitioner is on site. We check in with you. If you need help, raise your hand. If we do not see you, say “help” out loud. If that still does not reach us, come to us. Sometimes we cannot get to you right away. That is not because you are a burden. It may be dark, or we may be with someone else. Just lean into it.
If something gets too loud, we may ask you to step into another room. If you want privacy to work through something, tell us. We will go with you. Asking for help is a skill, and it can be healing in itself.
Vomiting and purging
Nausea is common, and with ayahuasca, purging is a normal part of the experience for many people. We tell you what to expect before you come, and we are there with you. If your body needs more than we can offer, Jo Ann Forristal, a family nurse practitioner, is on site.
Phones
We turn your phone off and hold it through ceremony and integration. You get it back after. Why? In the middle of a ceremony it is tempting to text someone. You might think, I need to say sorry, or I need to call someone. Give it a beat. Breathe with it. Let yourself feel what you feel.
When you get your phone back, please do not make any big decisions right away. Send the messages you need to send. Try not to check email or the news, and try not to work. The closer you are to the medicine, the more anything you take in lands on you.
What if it is too hard?
Hard moments happen to everyone. Some people finish a ceremony and think, I never want to do that again. If that is you, lean in. Share it. Tell the group, tell us, and ask for help. On the other side of that fear is something different from what you have been getting all your life.
Why three ceremonies? (Awaken, psilocybin)
In Awaken we have three ceremonies. Things often happen in threes, and the three-ceremony structure is common in both the ayahuasca and the mushroom traditions.
How deep you can go depends on the dose and on how safe you feel, and that is often below the surface. Your system only goes as deep as it feels safe. The first ceremony is a handshake. You are meeting the medicine and the room. The second goes deeper, because your system knows what this is like. By the third, you have let go of enough protective parts that something very special can happen. That is why Ceremonia exists.
When something is more than hard
A hard moment and a medical emergency are different. Screening is how we reduce the chance of an emergency. If one does happen, our nurse practitioner is on site, and the facilitators know how to respond.
- We stay with you the whole time
- Our nurse practitioner is on site
- Integration support continues after the retreat, for the month that follows